College went fast and soon I had a big time career working for a fortune 500 company as a company executive. More money, more things, more accreditation were my priorities. I envisioned myself as having the best of everything someday, and no one would keep me from achieving my purpose in living! As time went on I achieved my goals; however, I still felt incredibly empty. With all my things, I felt mysteriously poor.

In the summer of 1987 I met the woman of my dreams at a local super market. She was checking out my grocery order; and to say the least I was checking her out too! After one date it was a done deal; we were married the following spring. It was a nice scenic wedding upon the banks of Vassar Creek, a local skinny dipping hole where teens years earlier expressed their social deviance. However, in the sun that day, my wife and I made repayment for our deviances with an eternal commitment to God, ourselves and society.

The following summer I hit the lottery... my son was born! What a wealthy man I was. I remember the doctor handing me my son and he said something that means more to me now more than ever. He simply said, enjoy him. Somewhere in his voice I missed his message until recently. He indirectly spoke to me implying that my son would grow, life would change and that time is limited. If I would have known back then what I know now, I would have made much larger deposits towards what I now know was the greatest investment of my life. My son.

I do recall, there was one time of the very few I ever took with my son when he was 4yr. old. My son and I went out to a field behind our home. The kind of field that had rolling hills and a few bulging oak trees upon the landscaped green. He was growing so fast since his birth; almost as fast as my love for him. He would walk right up to me, put his nose against mine and say look at me daddy, look at me!, hugs and kisses daddy, hugs and kisses! He would hug me like a little bear hugs a small birch, and he would peck me with his puckered lips. Soon after, as with all things my son did, he was determined to do his best, and began doing somersaults down the hill proudly. Good job son, I would yell! Youre a chip off the old block son! Whats that daddy? It just means your a lot like me son! I am daddy! I am a lot like you, I wuv you! I love you too son. We played for hours on those hills acting like zoo animals and chasing lightening bugs until sunset. Seems so long ago. If I could, I would bottle that day. Not just for me but for my son to drink as a warm cup of tea on a rainy day.

I recall another time when my son and his friend Jeremy wanted to camp in our back yard in a pup tent we bought for my sons 7th birthday. My son and Jeremy set up the tent and soon after dark my son came into our home. My son had soon realized how dark it could get outside in the night. He expressed to me how frightened he was of the dark, so I said come closer to me son, and he met his eyes with mine upon my lap. You know, part of camping outside is the excitement and mystery of the dark. The crickets, the stars, the sounds of frogs in the distance, are all a part of the experience! I tell you what son, I will leave a light on for you from the living room window, and if things get too dark and scary you can come into the house to feel safe again. He expressed a sigh of relief and said thanks daddy, I love you, and out the door he went, until the rays of his flashlight disappeared beneath the nylon tent. I recall the next morning my son Jack and his friend lay sprawled upon the living room couch. I thought to myself; it sure is nice to have a place to feel safe.

Although only a few years, it seems as an eternity since my son walked in tiny shoes and flashed his baby blues. Oh how I miss those times. Old father time gives no second chances, and the distractions of my career and my goals for my-self have snuffed my chances away.

Today I am so tired and so jealous of those with time. I am exhausted by my fight with cancer. My son now 9yrs. old shines a worrisome stare in the arms of his mother at my bed side. As I begin to feel a sensation I have never experienced; a knowing of my going, I call to my son. Come closer to me son, look at me. You know daddy loves you more than life itself, but daddy has to take a trip. Where are you going daddy, where are you going? I want you to look at me daddy, look at me, hugs and kisses daddy, hugs and kisses! And as he cries within my ear, I whisper last to him.

Off away those grassy hills I sit and wait for you. I leave a light from the window of my soul through which my love shines. As eternal moments come and go, son please call to melook at me, look at me, hugs and kisses daddy, hugs and kisses.

Until I wait and ponder; a wealthy man has time.

Copyright2005