Many, many questions arise in our minds when someone close to us is seriously ill. It takes a while to realize that these questions do not have one answer. They have many answers, appear in different forms, and may have different impacts on us at different times. Much of the time we live with the idea that all will stay just as it is. When illness comes we are shocked for a moment out of our stupor. We see that our time may not be endless and that right now we must say what has to be said, and do what has to be done. In a sense a finger is being pointed in our direction. These questions are demanding a response from us. Life itself is demanding a reply. Some of the questions which arise are -"How is suffering truly relieved?" What is the best way though serious illness and beyond?" "What is illness, anyway? Is it a random, senseless interruption of life, or Is it the beginning of new steps we must take?" In order to answer these questions, we need to understand illness in a larger context, and also understand the true nature of suffering. During a time of crisis, rather than grapple with these questions, we often run in all directions, trying to ease the pain we or others are feeling. But these unanswered questions rumble beneath the surface, intensifying the discomfort we feel. When Pain Comes When pain comes we offer drugs, instead of offering ourselves. We may not have ourselves to offer. But if we stop running, even for a little while, we can see that the only true comfort will come from understanding, the only real healing will come from the truth. If we learn to listen closely, we will find that the pain itself has a meaning. It's here to be listened to. We have so much fear about-facing our feelings. We fear it will make us feel small and helpless. Actually, the opposite is true. In this way we become alive and strong, reclaiming for ourselves the fullness of all our experiences. When you or someone close to you Is seriously ill, you are being asked for your willingness to stop running and to look inside. This itself is an act of tremendous courage. It will bring great rewards. As we begin our journey through illness there is a fundamental assumption that must be questioned. It is the idea that pain is terrible and must be avoided at all costs. As soon as we start to feel pain or discomfort, usually we try to stop it from happening. We look for some way to soothe or suppress what we are going through. We seldom stop and wonder specifically what the pain is saying to us. Usually we expect the doctor to take control of our illness and make us well again. But this attitude itself is part of the original disease. We are relinquishing our part in the illness. We are denying the fact that it has come to us, and it is up to us to stop, listen, and discover the meaning and lessons the illness has to teach us. Dialoguing With Pain It seems almost unthinkable to dialogue with our pain, to ask the fundamental question of it, "What do you want from me? And why are you here now?" No matter what we are feeling there is only one pain and it manifests itself in various ways. If we do not address it in one mode, often it will come in another. It can come physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. In whatever form this pain arises, it is extremely empowering to turn directly to our suffering and enter a dialogue with it. When we learn how to do this, we may even discover that the pain comes holding a gift in its hands. Being caught in an illness and filled with pain is like being caught in a situation we cannot get out of. "The best way out is the way in." -- Eido Roshi The best way out is to make friends with the pain. Fighting intensifies it. If we can relax into it for a little while and explore it, many new possibilities arise. Natural healing is always available in all situations, but it can be cut off by fighting and by our fear. When we let go and enter the flow of things, we became available to our greater source of energy, guidance and help. PROCESS Lie down on the floor, take off your shoes and just feel whatever it is you are feeling. Gently become aware of whatever is going on inside. Do not try to fix or change anything. Just take it in as it is. Where are you? How does the floor feel under you? How much space are you taking up? Let your body react anyway it wants to. It can find its own way to become comfortable right now. (Get out of the way as much as possible.) Ask your pain if there is anything it wants to say to you? Stop and listen for any kind of reply. Do this again and again. Now, you are making friends with all of yourself. Take a moment. Take another moment. All moments belong to you. When you can do this, your illness does not become something foreign and frightening. You can live with it better, and also are better able to discover fine alternatives to it too. To make friends with all of our experience, we need only become aware, moment by moment, of what we are feeling, doing and thinking about. We simply make a practice of saying "yes," to whatever comes to us. Rejecting something over and over never makes it go away. In fact, it will come back time and again, just for you to accept it. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our illness and pain. Health comes with learning how to say yes. Wellness emerges out of the balance and harmony of all parts of ourselves. It is the essence of reconciliation. When we are well, we are in harmony with ourselves and the world we live in. |
