If you have been reading these articles for awhile, you know that I am not into New Year's resolutions. I noticed a lot of new people at my health club around the first of the year. Yesterday, there werent as many. By the end of the month, they will be gone. According to John Norcross and James Prochaska (authors of "Changing for Good"), 23% of resolutions are gone in the first week, and 45% die by the end of the month. Are yours still intact? There is simply something about New Year's resolutions that doesn't work. So why do we bother? One reason is fear - we feel out of control - things have gotten to a point where we are in pain . . . enough to do something about it. Change doesnt occur until it becomes our highest priority. At the beginning of the year, many people make it a priority. At least for awhile. Because we know that if things keep going the way they are, it will really get bad and there may be some serious consequences. So why do New Year's resolutions flop? The focus is in the wrong place - we put our focus on anything outside ourselves - finding the right food plan (aka "diet"), joining a diet program, removing the temptations from our homes and exercising more. Not that there is anything wrong with any of these actions, really. It's just that it usually doesn't last in the long run. Why? Because the focus needs to be on your inner work the work you need to do inside. That's right - you've heard the expression. "It's an inside job." It's true. Focus on developing the qualities INSIDE you that will last a lifetime. That is what we try to help people do in our teleclasses and groups. And I am not talking about discipline, except perhaps in setting boundaries with others to make time for yourself. What is your inner work? Perhaps you need to work on loving yourself enough to avoid committing all of your time to others, leaving you empty, exhausted and reaching for sugar to boost your energy. Who do you need to BE to make these changes, to live the life you want to live? If you focus more on the BEING than the DOING, you will make a lot more lasting progress. Maybe you need to work on building kindness toward yourself so that you can make good food choices without self-sabotage. Or perhaps you need to work on developing emotional tolerance, so that you are not reaching for food at the first inkling of a dark feeling. Yes, work on exercise and building a strong body, but also build those "no" muscles, so you can enjoy the life you worked so hard to get. Or maybe you need to say "yes" more often, to take a risk, reach out to others, start a relationship or build friendships that offer long-term emotional capital for your future. If you learn how to connect to another human being, your life will be more rewarding. You may need to get a more compelling life, so you aren't reaching for food at the first sign of boredom. Stop expecting others to do it for you and make something of the life you have. The proverbial "Prince Charming" isn't coming. You have the resources inside you to live your dream. So put the cookie down and reach for your heart's desire. Work on confidence and perseverance - learn how to get back on track more quickly when you tumble off the track (we all do). If you adopt an optimistic attitude, any change you want to make will be an easier road. Develop a broader perspective . . . learn how to see shades of gray instead of viewing everything as black and white. Let go of perfectionism and let good enough be good enough. Decide to have a nondieting mindset, where every food choice is just that - it feels like a choice, not a compulsion. These are the real successes, and change is not difficult once these internal shifts are made. But you have to start with working on the right stuff. Get working on that internal fortitude and you will have a happier and healthier 2006! |
