One of the questions I receive most often from my newsletter subscribers is what do I do when I've "blown it?" As one good friend said: "I forgot all the great ways I know to address a conflict. I reprimanded an employee by basically attacking her character. I did apologize, and, thankfully, she is not quitting. But things feel awkward, and I'm wondering if there's something I can do to help the situation besides apologize."

First, this person did just the right thingshe apologized, and she didn't wait too long to do it. It's important to remember that we all react occasionally in ways that we think better of later. Once you apologize, give it time. Continue to center, breathe, smile, and treat the employee with respect.

In addition, hold the vision that with time your relationship will be back on the right track. Visualize how you want the relationship to look as you continue to work together, and begin acting on that vision in your daily communication.

Think of a physical wound--it takes time to heal. While it's healing, you treat the wound gently, keep it clean, maybe smooth some cream on it to help the healing process.

It's the same with healing a relationship. Keep your communication clean, gentle, and yet honest and direct. Say hello, how's it going? Treat her as you would under normal circumstances, yet with the awareness of what did occur. You don't pretend the conflict never happened, but you don't have to abase yourself either.

Finally, remember that it's not only up to you. You have a part in this, and so does she. You cannot do her part for her; you can only do yours. If you give the employee room, she will find her way back to the strong connection that once existed.

Judy Ringer

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help organizations manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a positive work environment.

The author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, Ringer provides training throughout the U.S. and Canada with unique workshops based on mind/body principles from the martial art aikido, in which she holds a black belt. In addition, she uses her expertise in several best practice communication models to bring to life key concepts such as self-management under pressure and appreciation of other viewpoints. Her programs are interactive, experiential and energetic.

Clients include Maine Medical Center, The National Institutes of Health, BAE Systems, Sony Corporation, Honda of America Manufacturing, Bose Corporation, Maine General Health, The American Red Cross, The National Education Association, and the States of New Hampshire and Vermont.

She has written numerous articles on the relevance and application of the aikido metaphor to conflict and communication, including articles for Aikido Today Magazine and The Systems Thinker. She is the author of two newsletters, including the award-winning Ki Moments, and the book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.

Ringer is also chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH. She can be reached at judy@judyringer.com.