When potential clients call me to inquire about coaching for their various life changes, I find myself asking them to tell me where they are right then. This helps me get a good sensing of how connected they are with their inner self and emotions.

A few who are able to say precisely where they are emotionally tell me they are ready to move on but feel stuck. Others are not sure that they are able to let go at all. While again some people simply don't know what they're feeling.

This is okay and in fact one of the most challenging things in times of a change is being able to determine your emotional parameter.

Irrelevant of the changes people experience, there's a common factor. This is the amount of self criticism people heap on themselves. It's almost as if people want to make themselves pay for their own pain and anguish.

But since flogging yourself or blaming others won't benefit you except to keep you stuck, you need to do something different.

To shift your focus and stir away from casting blame, here is what you can do. Apply the most valuable tool you possess, the gift of love. Love is a natural balm capable of not only banishing pain and fear, but also injecting you and your life with new vigour. Love, when applied consciously can also imbue you with a new sense of purpose and direction.

When you find yourself going through a difficult change, simply Imagine to yourself how love springs out of you and takes charge of the situation. Ask yourself these questions and observe what happens.

1. What would love say here?

2. What would love do here?

3. How would love behave here?

4. What is the most loving attitude I can have for myself and others in this situation?

Here is what happened to an angry client whom I encouraged to apply these questions to her situation.

She said at first it was difficult for her to imagine the love emerging from her because she was extremely upset. But as she kept on asking the questions, she became calmer and was able to let the love within take over.

While moving from one question to the other, she realised that she had also contributed her own share to exacerbate the situation. Her "loving part" showed her what she could now do to make her feel better. She informed me that she never thought she would ever feel any compassion for the colleague who in her own words "stabbed her in the back." And yet she did.

By the time she came to asking herself the last question about the most loving attitude she could have for herself, she had already gained deep clarity. She knew what she had to do and was prepared to do it.

One most challenging aspect of life changes is dealing with emotions of anger or betrayal. This can be very traumatic. But if you are prepared to take a step back and work with the gift of love, you might just discover the right tool to help release your traumatised emotion. This can also help you recognize your true affinity, which lies in the power to choose.