I've been giving lots of talks about anticipatory grief, the topic of my latest book. Large and small, all of the audiences were attentive. Audience members were very attentive when I spoke at an Alzheimer's conference. Preparing my talk was a challenge because the attendees were so different.

Some were health professionals, some were caregivers, and some were family members. Finding the theme of my talk took weeks. I spent several weeks writing it and rehearsed it for days. At the last minute the conference organizers told me some attendees had Alzheimer's disease, so I revised my talk again.

Now all I had to do was give it.

The conference was held at a farm that had been converted into a conference center. My breakout session was in the barn and, like all modern barns, it had huge ceiling lights. Unfortunately, the area at the front of the room where I would be standing was dark. When I tested the sound system I discovered it wasn't working properly. A woman asked me to turn off the ceiling fan because it was making her cold, and I did as she asked.

More people straggled into the room and some stood along a side wall. Then it was "show time." I started my talk and it was going well until I spotted a woman to my left. She was crying and had a mountain of used tissues in front of her. It's hard to talk when someone is sobbing, but I continued. Another woman started to cry and I wondered if more audience members would join her.

I was a third of the way through my talk when a technician walked into the room and turned on a massive ventilating system. The motor was so loud it almost drowned out my voice and people in the back rows strained to hear me. Things were going from bad to worse. What does a speaker do when everything goes wrong? You keep at it, and I voiced the next point on my outline.

With anticipatory grief, I noted, the bereaved person still has time to make preparations and amends. At this point a woman in the back of the room burst into tears and I saw her lips frame the words, "No time. No time. No time." She shook her head from side to side as she said these words. At that second I decided to revise my talk.

From then on I "winged it," as the saying goes. Anticipatory grief is a serious topic and I had included some funny stories about my mother to lighten the mood. I remember adding a few more funny stories, but if you asked me what I said I couldn't tell you. All I know is that audience members looked interested and listened carefully.

The woman to my right stopped crying and got herself under control. Many audience members nodded in agreement as I made my final points. I concluded my talk with the words I had written and asked for questions or comments. All of the comments were insightful, but one saved the day.

A woman raised her hand and said, "Thank you for giving a name to my feelings. I had no idea I was going through anticipatory grief." Her comment righted all of the wrongs. Poor lighting, faulty sound, the loud ventilating system - none of them mattered. I had helped one person, maybe even touched her soul, and that's all that mattered to me.

Copyright 2006 by Harriet Hodgson

Harriet Hodgson

Harriet Hodgson has been a nonfiction writer for 27 years. She is a member of the Association of Healh Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. A prolific writer, she is the author of 25 published books and hundreds of print and electronic articles.

Hodgson has written about parenting, recycling, sexual harassment, aging, Alzheimer's disease, caregiving, communication, nutrition, physical activity, weight management, anticipatory grief, and many other topics.

She started out as a teacher and earned a B.S. with honors from Wheelock College in Boston, MA. She went on to earn an M.A. in Art Education from the University of Minnesota and did additional graduate work. After spending a dozen years in the classroom Hodgson changed careers and turned to writing.

All of her writing comes from life experience. Hodgson has talked about her experienes on some 150 radio talk shows, including CBS Radio, Minnesota Public Radio, WCCO Radio and "Coping With Caregiving," an Internet-only radio program broadcast worldwide. In addition, she has appeared on dozens of television programs/stations including CNN.

Hodgson is a Past President of the Wing of the Aerospace Medical Association. A past president of the Minnesota Medical Association Alliance (MMAA), she represented MMAA members on the Minnesota Medical Association Health Care Reform Task Force. She is an active community volunteer and all of her volunteer efforts focus on health.

Hodgson is cited in "Something About the Author," "Who's Who of American Women," "Who's Who in America," "Who's Who in the World," "The Dictionary of International Biography," and "Contemporary Authors," published by Gale Research.

Hodgson lives in Rochester, Minnesota with her husband, C. John Hodgson. She enjoys learning, travel, antiques, singing, and spending time with her twin grandchildren.