In a recent article entitled "What Is Your Emotional Maturity Quotient or "EMQ"" I noted that one of the dimensions was one's ability to remain internally balanced in emotionally challenging situations. Given the unexpected and sometimes dangerous situations that befall one in their life these days it might be felt that "emotional balance" is becoming increasingly difficult to attain. Emotional balance quite simply is the ability to remain calm, peaceful, resilient, relaxed, stress free, unperturbed, contented and grounded in the knowing that one is in full control of one's inner emotional state. Stress is the antithesis of emotional balance and is associated with tension, anxiety, worry, feeling out of control, energy depletion and negative health consequences. So how does one achieve emotional balance? Well to answer this question requires a major shift in one's perspective on the root cause of one's inner emotional instability. You see many individuals hold beliefs that how they feel depends on what happens to them in their life. In other words they "believe" that their inner emotional experience is largely driven by "external" events. Unfortunately this perspective is not only incorrect it also leaves the individual bereft of any hope of ever having any sense of control over themselves. Like a leaf blowing in the wind they will therefore be blown from one place to another endlessly. Clearly this is how many do feel and therefore endure enormous amounts of stress. In truth one's emotional reaction actually depends on one's inner repertoire of beliefs. This is clearly illustrated by what was just said i.e. "If my emotional reactions depend on external circumstances and I have no control over such circumstances then I am completely enslaved to such circumstances and this leaves me feeling anxious, worried, tense, stressed etc..." So what perspective is required to restore one's sense of control or mastery over one's inner life and well being? Well pure and simple it is the "awareness" that it is exclusively one's "internal beliefs" that affect how one reacts emotionally to external events. From the time we are born into this reality we start becoming conditioned with ideas and beliefs that limit our ability to know our full potential as human beings. As we become adults we tacitly accept such beliefs as gospel and never look closely at their truthfulness or their usefulness. Such acceptance is also deeply supported by untruths that are "illogically embedded" in the mind and which when exposed causes a spontaneous release of the limiting belief. Let me illustrate. We will take the following widely held belief: "My emotional state depends on what happens to me in my life" Why do most individuals choose to believe this? Well it's because they "think" that by doing so, 1. They will know where to direct their attention, so that, 2. They will know what needs to be done to prepare for unexpected events, so that, 3. They will be ready or prepared for them, so that, 4. When the event happens they will not be taken by surprise, so that, 5. They will be unaffected and therefore feel resilient, strong, unmoved, calm, relaxed, peaceful and emotionally stable. So if we summarize what has just been said the conclusion is that: (A) The belief that "My emotional state depends on what happens to me in my life" causes me to feel resilient, strong, unmoved, calm, relaxed, peaceful and emotionally stable. Now does that resonate as a true statement for you? If you're not sure simply look at how you feel when you say the belief itself to yourself. Try it: "My emotional state depends on what happens to me in my life" Now notice how you feel. Doesn't it make you feel vulnerable, uncertain about what is coming next, uneasy, tense, anxious, perhaps frightened, not in control of your situation or your life, stressed etc? So does that sound anything like statement (A) above? Well actually it is the opposite of (A) isn't it? So which is the truth? Clearly (A) is not what is "felt" when one holds the belief "My emotional state depends on what happens to me in my life" so (A) is clearly "false". If you have followed me so far I think you will now see that statement (A) which you have been holding and accepting unconsciously as an unspoken truth is in fact "not true"! Another way of saying that is that you have been "lying to yourself"! Is that what you wish to be doing? What do you think the consequences of doing so will be for you? Well it will leave you totally out of the picture of your life and leave you feeling vulnerable and helpless. If you would like help in reclaiming your true power and emotional stability kindly visit the web link below. Blessings! |
